Family Realities

Posted byZamadlomo MkhabelaPosted inpoetryTags:, ,

What is family?

Can someone please help me define family

I have cried everyday in the hands of people I call family

I have fell into depression in the hands of people I call family

I have considered suicide in the hands of people I call family

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong in your family?

I have and I still do

I have learned to disregard my family to have peace

I have learned to have my own back to survive

How can family be so destructive!?

I have learned the sad truth,

family is not by blood!

Published by Zamadlomo Mkhabela

Christian 💫 | Worshipper 🙏 | Exhorter 🤝 | MC 🎤 | Information Technology 💻 | E-learning Content Builder 📲

48 thoughts on “Family Realities”

  1. Family to me is a bunch of people who deeply care for each other..a group of people who share unconditional love and support even when things get worse .A group of people who will be there to anchor us even in the raging storm.A circle whose connection never ends.A family is a people who will never judge but show lots of love.
    Along the journey of life I learnt that my definition of family was all wrong because each time I used blood when that sometimes is never the case.Family is that group of people in your life who want you in theirs.The people who will always have your back.That is family.

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    1. “group of people in your life who want you in theirs”
      We wouldn’t be so broken if we knew the correct definition of family earlier in life 😢😢😢💔😭
      We expected our blood relates to be our family and we got the opposite of that… Hence we are damaged!!!

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      1. They sometimes become the source of heartache but setting out a new horizon and redefining tour world us key.Its not easy after all they are blood but it’s the perfect way to find peace.Gift yourself with thise who want you around.My feet fit right in your shoes and I know what you mean.For years I’ve learnt how to move on.The idea of perfect simply exists in fiction. In this real world that’s just another word in the dictionary.

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      2. I always pray for a pure heart that will love for real… Even learn to love the very same people who damaged me. You can’t be fighting two battles at the same time, because an unforgiving heart is more heavy than a broken heart… It’s time to invest in our own happiness and peace ♥️🌺

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  2. Wow, I am speechless as those words are piercing. I’m sorry you are experiencing such depression. Remember, depression is repressed feelings so let your self feel, breath and trust. Yes, I have and do know the feeling personaly very intimately. It is NOT easy to say the least. It can tear your heart out and rip the core of your essence if you let it. NO ONE EVER IS WORTH SUICIDE and YOU most certainly are NOT. It’s the ultimate Fuck You or the only way out when you are at your wits end. BUT THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT. Pick up the phone and call suicide hot line or a friend. Promise ok?! We are here to listen to where this takes you in your writing and healing. Just breath and let the guidence and love of source envelope you and hold you while you hold yourself gently.

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    1. Thank you so much, that means a lot to me… I have come to resent my family due to a lot of hatred, unfairness and undervalue I had to stomach and bear for the longest of my existence… Even that I am stilll alive is by the grace of God 🙏🏽😭🌺

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      4. You are so welcome. That sounds like it has been very difficult and I truly appreciate that!!! My heart breaks open for you and I will hold it tenderly from afar. It is never right but by creating your own family with people that are not in your family, you will create that for yourself. So keep making connections that are worthy of your love and be gentle with yourself. You are too important to the world. ❤️

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      6. You are so welcome and deserving.
        Absolutely true that God LOVES you. I was hoping what I read was fictional but unfortunately many of us have eaten shit and died. keep on keeping on Girl. You’ve got this! I’ll add more at a later time after you process this and move forward. ❤️🤗🙏

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  3. Sending you a virtual hug 🤗
    Such a powerful poem and truly most of us have damage from our childhood❣️😢

    This EXACT conversation keeps reoccurring in my life. With clients, friend and my own family.

    Yes, family can pass down generations of dysfunctional behavior and unless each generation is aware and diligent it will continue to be broken and passed down and we’ll repeat the struggles of our ancestors.

    I believe every generation has more options, more information and better opportunities to live healthier and people are more open to helping others heal not hide OR feel shame or alone!

    Each generation has the choice and I choose what I like most about my family history, work to resolve any unhealthy residual pain and work to forgive what was broken and heal how it affected me.

    Then I send love to everyone in my family, now and years passed and especially to myself.

    Michelle speaks the truth. Family isn’t always blood and Cindy speaks of courage because we need to have courage to let go of the pain and give OURSELVES the love we deserve ❤️❤️🤗🤗

    Bold message for everyone who deals with pain, especially at the hands of people we love the most ❣️

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    1. That’s very true Teri… But no one wants to take the initiative or the first step, that’s why most families will continue producing damaged kids who will cause havoc in the community

      Sometimes it’s not too deep or serious but because it comes from family, it has terrible effects on us… Maybe the first step is to accepting that family is just like everyone else, they are not saints so let’s stop expecting them to be perfect!

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      1. Well said Z❣️❣️

        I think that’s an excellent first step and what we’re able to control. I believe practicing self-love is our highest priority and we can do so with boundaries that protect us from unhealthy family members. ❤️❤️🤗🤗

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  6. Hugs and love to you!! Unfortunately, I have felt this way at different times in my life, with different family members, and at different points. It took a lot of prayer and forgiveness to get to where I am today. It wasn’t until I began seeing them as individuals and not family members, that I could deal with the disappointment. When I only saw them as family members, it was like I expected more from them than I did others. When in reality, they are just like everyone else. They have their own lives and their own issues. We would love for them to treat us the way we believe we would treat them. However, they do not. Honestly, they may feel the same about us. After having several conversations with my sister, I discovered that as much as I thought I was there for her, she said that I wasn’t. This hurt. My advice would be to communicate your feelings to those you believe have hurt you. Especially if they are family members that you believed you had a strong bond with. Sorry this was so long. Keeping you in my prayers. 🙏🏽💕

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    1. You’re actually right! Definitely right… Unfortunately a couple of days ago I had a talk with my sister as well, she feels exactly the same way. Maybe another way of dealing with this is introspection, let’s check ourselves first… Are we treating them the way we expect them to treat us? If we’re not sure let’s first fix that, who knows… They might introspect too and start treating us better 💜

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  7. Oh no how I missed this post😢, very touching deep down to my heart, for me family is the sole province of love, care and to trust…. So far this poem relates to what is happening to my life especially to my biological mother things are not OK but I feel is the family I need the most as a woman, but with my father’s side everything is OK and feel like the love I get from him is both for mom n dad, and to others is balancing at the same time full of confusion and difficulties but at the same time has the space of my grandmom who passed long time ago I called mom when I grew up because of my first sight of cleverness or getting to understand and differentiate since I was little…. I don’t wanna be detailed but to shortened this poem, for me it’s like you were talking to me and about how I feel at times… The thing is we won’t stand against our family realities but to adapt and build our own legacy…. I love it❤️🌸

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  8. Hi Zamadlomo, I don’t know what you’ve been through with your family but I do know that you are not alone. There are many who have come from a family that have hindered instead of aided. A family can go from one end of the spectrum to the other in that it can be nurturing and very supportive, to totally devastating. I myself was adopted and my adopted mother was very abusive both verbally and physically, for most of my younger years. When I became a Christian in my early twenties I thought that I had managed to escape any negative effects from that abuse but as I have discovered, over the years, the scars run deep. Suppressing those hidden feelings is not the same as dealing with them and you can be assured that our loving God wants you to be healed of the negative repercussions, because if it isn’t dealt with, it can affect you for the rest of your life and that is not good, for you as a person and especially for you as a child of God.

    One of the things that I love about God’s Word is that it helps you understand you as you really are, and I am not saying that in a negative way. It is only when we start to understand ourselves and how God deals with us, in spite of our shortcomings, that we begin to see others, as they truly are. The “they” becomes “we”. That in itself helps put things into perspective. I see you’re studying in the IT field, which is the background that I worked in for many years. You are probably aware that working in the IT field requires a methodical mindset and if you have that ability, which I think you probably have, then that is in itself a plus, because there is a process that is involved. Things that you will have to deal with involve anger, resentment and forgiveness. Those are all really big important milestones that need to be addressed and it doesn’t come easy.

    The best example I can give you is how Jesus Himself dealt with, how He was treated. The contrast between how we normally would react and how He reacted is like night and day. And the difference is His mindset and our mindset. Study God’s Word to discover what the mindset of Jesus was. What was Jesus mindful of that we normally aren’t? You strike me as a beautiful young woman who has her whole life ahead of her, highly intelligent and I would guess, strong willed. I hear the hurt and I feel the pain and please note that I am not saying that I have been through exactly what you have been through. There are many shades of hurt and pain.

    I see that we are both following each other now, thank you. I don’t have all the answers to all of the questions but I am here for you if you need me. Hope this helps. May God’s grace, peace and blessings flow towards you and yours. – Bruce

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    1. OMG! To be honest the reason I wrote this was just to vent… I didn’t know I’ll get so much healing from you guys. Wow, God must really love me… This helped in ways you’ll never understand! Thank you so much Bruce, may God bless you abundantly… I pray that I am what you’ve been to me to the others 🌹🙏🏽

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  9. You find family and love in the most unexpected people. I always say you choose love and forgiveness as a family unit. We are all different but what we choose we build despite challenges. In psalm 68:6 God sets the lonely in families and that is my prayer for u and all who are searching for pure love.

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  14. Thanks for sharing. Very interesting!
    What has helped me is keeping in mind the passage at 1 Timothy 3:1-5. It speaks of changes in the attitudes and actions of people living in “the last days.”​ (which can
    Include our family members)
    Some of the traits listed is For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, having an appearance of godliness but proving false to its power;+ and from these turn away.

    World events combined with the behavior and traits of people prove that we are living in the last days and that God’s Kingdom will soon bring everlasting blessings to those who love God.

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